Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
