Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
false alarm, still single
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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