He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
