my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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