Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
