he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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