Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
