Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
