***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
