The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
