how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
