Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
