I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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