OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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