it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
