you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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