Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think my vagina is haunted
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
