I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
