Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
