he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
