Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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