I need to stop coming to work sober
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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