im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
