im holly from the hills drunk
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
