update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
