You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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