i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
