hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
