I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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