If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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