i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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