that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
