I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
