You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
What drink are we having for lunch?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
