he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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