I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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