I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
