Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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