wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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