Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
