I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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