I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
