call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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