I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
