I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
