you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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