and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
