listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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