jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
