Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
