it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
