I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
