it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
