You just made me feel so damn special
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
