I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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