Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
