why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
