i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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