Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
